Garrulous Sycophant

Mixed in 2HG — hits each opponent, but monarch / initiative.

• +22
  Hits each opponent

  There are two opponents in 2HG, so every 'each opponent' clause resolves twice against a single shared life total.

• +14
  Damage to each opponent

  Drain and burn that reads 'each opponent' comes off one shared 60-life total, so the printed number doubles.

• −4
  Monarch / initiative

  The monarch is still one player, not the team, and the other team can send both players' creatures at that one head in a single combined attack.

Ratings start at a neutral 50 and are adjusted by rules derived from 2HG's structure — shared 60 life, shared turns, two opponents. They'll be recalibrated against real play rates once teams start submitting decklists.